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Why I cried during sex

My husband and I have an amazing sex life. Yes, really. We make time for it, we communicate openly and we don’t have this standard routine that plays out every week or so, as if it were just a check on the to do list. We’re open to each others needs and we have a natural balance between giving and receiving that we both enjoy very much.

There’s one thing that can get in the way of unbridled passion though, and that is… Birth control.

After we had our child, we decided that there wasn’t going to be a second one. Which is totally fine, of course, but active as we are, precautions are necessary. But since I didn’t want any foreign hormones in my body, the pill was no option. Condoms are things we both don’t enjoy that much, a spiral is also quite invasive on the body…

That left us with a few other options, the easiest of which is making sure there’s no ejaculation when he is inside of me. We’ve talked extensively about him having a procedure done and we we’re going for that option, but when Covid hit, that plan was put on a long, long pauze.

This meant that, though the love making itself was not predictable, the end kind of was.

And yes, there was fun and pleasure, but he could never simply let go and allow for what he wanted. There was always this need for control, a restriction in everything we did.

But the other night, we had a wonderful conversation about our wants and needs. We spoke of the differences in how we experienced being touched, which deepened our understanding of each other even more. Talked about the ending being a bit off compared to the rest.We felt truly connected and the act of love that followed our conversation, was really fueled by our love and the desire to express that love on a physical level.

This time, we decided on using a condom, so that my husband could, after all this time, also just let go and enjoy the ride fully.

He did.

And I loved it, witnessing him not having to hold back, allowing himself to fully step into the heat that arose between us.

And when the release came, exactly simultaneous, it was amazing. Not that it was the best, most overwhelming orgasm ever, but it was so pure. So real. I felt so deeply, deeply connected to him, and the energy peak we reached, together, at that specific moment in time…

And when the release came, exactly simultaneous, it was amazing. Not that it was the best, most overwhelming orgasm ever, but it was so pure. So real. I felt so deeply, deeply connected to him, and the energy peak we reached, together, at that specific moment in time…

It made me cry.

Like really sobbing.

So immensely happy, so touched, so connected through a bond that in that moment deepened to a level we had not experienced untill then.

He held me tight and we were just silent for a while. Well, actually, I was still sniffling. But there was silence and peace in our hearts. Stillness. Simply being, the two of us, right then and there, and all was good.

I am amazed at how this can work. The energetic connection, that one-ness between two people, in spirit and in body, truly mind blowing. I still get choked up a bit.

The fact that we, as human beings, in an ever-changing and tumultuous world, can share something that goes beyond the stress and the busyness of the world. That we can experience that deep connection, that moment when everything aligns…

To me, that’s amazing.

Sometimes it seems like sex is ‘just’ part of life. It sells, it’s available everywhere (thank you, internet), it can be cheap and superficial.

But it can also be a profound way of expressing love and connection, both physically and spiritually. This may not be the case every single time; a quickie in the shower is probably nothing but lust, of course.

Yet when the connection is there, making love is one of the most powerful things we can experience.

And I will never mind shedding a few tears because of that.

Geschreven door:

Tamryn Farnsworth

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